"You don't get the privilege of deciding what people will think." Seth Godin - small is the new big, p. 129
I spend a lot of my time thinking about how to get people to think about certain things. I believe thoughts are important, of course, just because I know how difficult things can get when people are thinking what I think are not the right thoughts about a particular subject. The mental models we use are important and, from a leadership perspective, it seems that trying to shift mental models in a different direction can be a useful, albeit inconsistent in terms of results, tool.
Godin's quote above reminded me of a very simple truth: people will think what they want/choose/need to based on any number of factors in their lives, all of which are elements over which even leaders have no control.
The art of persuasion (or science, depending on who you read) is pretty tricky stuff. Pastors expend a lot of energy and time in the realm of trying to be persuasive. This morning, some of us were having coffee at our weekly meeting of the Sachse Sheep Dip & Philosophical Society; and - since this is the day after the 2006 midterm elections - the conversation naturally turned to politics. We're a pretty diverse group, but generally speaking, politically this group is pretty conservative. And I'm well aware that I'm not likely to change anyone's mind on their particular slant on things, but still I find myself from time to time engaged in a conversation that I feel might help show a different perspective. And, really, that's pretty much all I hope for out of any conversation: just the chance to look at different perspectives.
Listening to this conversation, I realize that I have no power to change anyone's mind here. Not that I am in total disagreement with any particular subject, but my take on things is at least somewhat different than the guys with whom I'm talking. And, yet, there's still a part of me that gets antsy over wanting to persuade these folks to at least consider the possibility of a different way of looking at the issues we're talking about.
But I don't get to choose what people will think. I can talk until I'm blue in the face (and, according to my sixth grade confirmation class, that's exactly what I do when I'm preaching) and people will walk away unchanged by what I've said. I just don't have that kind of power. That doesn't mean that people don't listen. It also doesn't mean that they haven't engaged with what I've said. It just means that whatever changes go on in the human heart during the event of preaching a sermon or teaching a class or just having a conversation, those changes are not my doing. They are part of a bigger picture.
So, the focus for me probably needs to be more about how I make people feel than what I actually say. Everybody knows this at a more reptilian level, of course, but still we find ourselves wanting to instill changes in the mental models of individuals and groups. I don't think those changes occur, though, because we're persuasive - at least not in terms of our arguments. I think they change because people perceive their freedom to either buy into or not buy into what it is that I'm saying.
Godin goes on to say that if people aren't happy with the story you're spreading, the problem is not with the people; it's with the story. This is true whether you're selling a product or attempting to lead people in a different direction.
I think I need to stop trying to persuade and maybe think more in terms of telling a different story. And that's a real challenge for me. I'm analytical to a fault. I love a good story, but don't always know how to tell one very well. And, I'm a fanatic about facts and figures and data and trendlines. And, what I know now that I don't even think I suspected fifteen minutes ago is the undeniable truth of what Godin is saying: I don't get to choose what other people think. But I do get to choose which story I tell.
I think Stephen Denning is a genius. I really liked Squirrel, Inc and this new book takes what Denning is good at to a whole new level. Denning has an uncanny ability to unpack the stories leaders are telling and get to the heart of why those stories work or don't work.
